What if….instead of guilt and exhaustion you feel peace and celebration?

As the sun begins to set on 2023 I can’t help but reflect on this past year, and especially the end of year hustle and bustle as Christmas approaches. This time of year the world comes alive with the twinkle of lights and so many new opportunities for holiday activities and adventures.

If you’re like me, it’s as if the world has become one big winter wonderland playground and you need to “seize the day” and every opportunity possible to create fun memories as a family! Oh, and of course there are the traditional events and activities you just have to do in addition to the new fun adventures that await each year. And don’t forget the Holiday parties and get togethers with co-workers, friends, sports teams or clubs, and family.

All of these events can be very fun and special, and yes, create those special memories that we love and get us into the holiday spirit…but, are they all worth it?

What do I mean by worth it? I mean, how do you FEEL while planning for the events and parties, paying for events and activities, and participating in all of the holiday memory making? This answer will be different for everyone, but however you feel is valid and worth exploring. 

Do you feel joy and excitement? Do you feel energized or stressed? Do you feel overwhelmed and exhausted? Maybe you feel all of these emotions, and more, at different times. Maybe your answer has changed through the years, or maybe you are noticing a shift in how you feel now. 

It’s ok to stop, BREATHE, and take notice in how you are FEELING, and maybe respect those feelings by simply acknowledging them or being open to making changes. There’s no right or wrong way to experience and celebrate this time of year. I think it’s important to know what feels right and good for you and your family…without all the comparison to others on social media or otherwise. What feels GOOD, effortless, and fun for you? Do that! This has been a journey for me, and one I’m still on.

As a mom I have always wanted to create as many fun Christmas memories for my daughter as possible…and let’s be real, for me too (still a big kid at heart). I have always LOVED Christmas…everything about it…the decorations, music, activities, giving and receiving gifts, family time, food, and general “spirt” of the season. 

Before I had my daughter, I enjoyed holiday events, but after I had her I finally had an “excuse” to do more! We could go on the Polar Express and do so many other “kid” and family events. Oh the fun and memories we would create year after year!!

The first couple of years of my daughter’s life I didn’t go overboard with the activities, but by the time she was 2 it was time to level up! Bring on the festivities, the winter wonderlands, the farm animals dressed as elves, Santa events, the Polar Express, Disney on Ice…you get the picture. 

Was it fun? Absolutely! Did we create beautiful memories? Yes! Do I have adorable photos that captured the joy and magic? Oh you know I do! Would I change anything looking back through the years? Probably not…except for the way I felt at times, or what I thought about myself as a mom when things didn’t always go as planned.

My daughter, who I’ll call “Katie”, is now 8 years old. There’s been plenty of time for fun, memories, love, and laughter…and also time for the mom guilt to creep in and exhaustion from trying to “do it all”. December of 2019 was a not so happy time in my life. Katie’s father and I had decided to sell our house and separate after the new year. 

I knew that December would be the last Christmas that Katie would get to experience that magical time of year all together as a family (and if you know our sweet daughter, you know how being “all together” with her family is her favorite). 

My heart was breaking for her, even though she didn’t know at the time how her life would change. I needed that Christmas to be super special and magical for her…doing ALL the things with both her dad and me. November and December of that year were full of family time and fun, even through the heartache and exhaustion.

During that time I felt like I was a “good mom” for making sure our daughter was able to experience so many moments as a family “one last time”. However, if there was an event I couldn’t get tickets for, not only that year but any year, I remember feeling let down or guilty about Katie not being able to experience the event, or blaming myself for not acting and getting tickets sooner. 

I felt like a “bad mom”. I’m not sure why I felt that way, considering Katie wasn’t even aware of what she was “missing out” on! Man, I sure wish I knew then what I know now. Especially how co-parenting successfully means that Christmas of 2019 wasn’t the last time Katie would experience fun events and making memories with both her mom and dad. (You will see more from me on this topic in future blogs.)

I also now know that the “magic” is in the love and care I show and pour into my daughter every day. It’s noticing the lights on houses as we drive down the road while listening to Christmas music, it’s the time snuggled up watching Christmas movies, it’s the time spent dancing in the kitchen while making cookies and drinking hot chocolate, it’s seeing her excitement when she wakes up in the morning to see where “that dang elf” has landed, it’s the time spent telling Santa what she wants for Christmas and asking him what his favorite cookie is, it’s seeing the pure joy on her face the first time she hugged a real Christmas tree while breathing in it’s wonderful scent, it’s remembering the reason for the season while she plays with the manger scene in the glow of the lights, it’s the times remembered while hanging the ornaments on the tree, it’s the time spent with family when we all slow down and enjoy each other’s company. 

Most of all, the magic is in the gratitude we find in each and every day. There’s always something to be grateful for…even if it’s simply saying thanks for waking up and having a roof over your head and food in the fridge.

I choose to push aside the guilt of wondering if I’ve done enough or planned enough “fun” during the season, or if I’ve bought enough gifts to put under the tree. I choose to lean into gratitude and love. I choose to believe that I AM ENOUGH. My presence and love are enough. Whatever I choose to do to celebrate is enough. 

I choose to be grateful that I am able to spend time with family, in a nice warm house, with all we ever need and want already available to us. I choose to find peace in the quiet moments together, and celebration in the silly and active times together. 

There are still fun holiday events planned and attended, and always will be I’m sure, but there are a lot more days spent snuggled up with a good movie or book…and you know what’s interesting? The more I move into this feeling and mindset, the more I enjoy this time of year, and the more relaxed Katie seems.

This year I decided to ask Katie a question in November. I asked her to tell me one or two things that she would love to do in December to celebrate Christmas. This gave me an opportunity to hear what has meant the most to her in the past and what she would really love to do with me and her family. If we decided to do more, fine, and if not, that would be ok too. 

I am learning what brings her joy too, and that I don’t have to have this crazy amount of pressure to create perfect memories for this one month out of the year…there’s another 11 months for that! Ahhhh…just saying that makes me take a deep breath, relax, and feel thankful and excited for all of the other memories we will create throughout the year.

My hope for you in the coming year is that you will pause to notice how you are FEELING when moving through your daily activities. What if you can release the guilt, exhaustion, and expectation, and lean into peace, gratitude, love, and celebration all year long? How would that feel? How would it feel to truly know that you are enough, and that you are doing enough for your child and family? Doesn’t that feel amazing?! Now go celebrate that feeling!! 

Wishing you so much peace and love these last few weeks of the season, and as we enter 2024.

With gratitude,

Sunisha